This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
