well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize