too bad you live with your parents still
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
