haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
