I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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