My brain says no but my pants say off.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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