In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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