There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
