im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
