there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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