oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
