If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
