Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize