I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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