Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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