If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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