I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
