so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
