You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
