Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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