May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
