wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
