I seem to have left my pride at pride
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize