Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
