her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
