feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
