According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
