you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
