New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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