i was born a porn star she said
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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