yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
