Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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