I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
