I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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