Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
