It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
