We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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