i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
