her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
