her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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