I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
