I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize