there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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