I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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