I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
