I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
