guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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