You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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