If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
time to smoke my breakfast
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
