They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
