this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
