i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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