I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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