just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
