I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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