The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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