I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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