Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
