Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
