i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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