I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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