We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
