she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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