its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize