I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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