So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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