so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
