I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I intend to get homeless drunk
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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