I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
