your parents love me but you hate me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
