She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
