all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize