Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
