if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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