It was confusing and full of hummus
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize