my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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