Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
