Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
