I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize