"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
