Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
