Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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