i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
