I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
