we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
