I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
