I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
