We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
