While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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